During my most recent trip I met up with an ex, someone who caused me lotsa hurts & whom I thought I had loved. Ironic as it sounded, we had our last fight on MSN & I left abruptly. He who made known to me before that he wouldn’t take such behaviors (slamming phone / walk away…) didn’t call me since then. On the other hand I already had enough & knew that’s the end. That’s years ago & no official bye-bye.
Though no more emotional residue after I made that decision, I felt I’d been short-changed, of a proper ending or explanation at least. Well the whole story, in a span of 4 years, sounds like a drama… so unreal… & I prefer it to remain as 1…
CK’s introduced to me through a mutual friend, Dato J, whom I got to know through work & they’re childhood friends. He said, in front of all their friends, that CK’s a filthy rich millionaire bachelor… “make him invest in Singapore!” he joked. No special impression on him that night as guys like him would be playboys, certainly no lack of girls & fun. Was just grateful that he helped to pass my time at the otherwise boring dinner @ HRC. All I could remember about him – had his own abalone business in Adelaide & enjoying life with all the wining, dining & partying. Totally forgotten about this person until re-met him a year later, same place with same friend – Dato J. He addressed me by my name while it took me some time to remember I actually knew him but not his name!
By then, he’d moved back to his hometown due to some problems arose in his family construction business & that’s when he shouldered lotsa responsibilities. 1 day shortly after I returned to Singapore, he called me @ work. The embarrassing part was that I couldn’t even remember him! The receptionist & some of my colleagues who overheard our conversation laughed till they nearly flipped. Initially I found him over friendly & he kept calling me “gorgeous” which really ughed me! He’s so persistent in inviting me over for a weekend party… to fly in just to attend some official-opening parties. Can you imagine? Flying in just to party over the weekend? As though taking a cab from home to Orchard to party izit? Crazy! But of course I didn’t know him that well then to tell him all these. So just said I couldn’t make it. However he didn’t give up & insisted on calling me again the following week. Goodness… I ever got so scared of his persistence that I literally threw my hp into the drawer when it rang. Finally he accepted the fact that I wouldn’t go there just for some clubbing sessions. What impressed me then was he intentionally made a stopover in Singapore for a day before going to UK! Since then we’re in daily contact & (according to him) his monthly phone bills could be as much as S$2k.
After some months, I had to make a business trip there & he promised to be the first person I’d see when I got out of the aircraft (fyi not the immigration). Apart from his family business, he’s associated with some police duties which I can’t elaborate. And true enough, when I came out of the plane, I saw CK was already waiting for me right in front of the exit, with 2 of chief police inspectors friends (think so as they wore 3 pips on each of their shoulders). That’s quite a scene… 1 standing on my left & the other on my right & CK was pushing the trolley upon claiming my luggages. All the way we received salutation from the police on duty…well that’s pretty flattering! Even they joked & said people must be curious to know who this lady was to have 2 senior cops to escort.
To tell you I didn’t like that kind of treatment, I would be lying. We were from very different backgrounds & all of a sudden, I thought I was living in his world. Everything he talked about & involved in was a novelty. But soon problems seeped in due to the sensitivity of his job… think about what we see in Jacky Chan’s movies… how he & the female lead being bugged (but of course not that exaggerating & minus the action-pact stunts!). Sometimes he’d just disappear for days or weeks when there’s a classified assignment. As he claimed he’d too much to juggle between 2 portfolios, he never had much time for me. No gifts on special occasions as well… it didn’t help at all considering the distance in between. But I didn’t mind being the woman “in the backstage”. It felt so different to be with someone with such impressive background. At 1 stage I did doubt on what he told me about his family background… could he just talk big? Could it be a scam? So I asked 1 of my business associates who didn’t know him in person but was coincidentally staying in the same estate. Indeed he & his family were very well-known. But so what? The confirmation didn’t get me anywhere. Lip service was no longer convincing. Slowly the very limited time left was spent on arguments. Then followed by the MSN thingy.
I never expect to meet him again as definitely wouldn’t want to jeopardize my marriage, my hubby’s trust & the great love we share. But after so many years, I’m ready to make it a proper closure. You know… sometimes even if we no longer hold any romantic feeling towards that someone for the longest time, we would somehow question ourselves, why things got to be settled this way.
During the dinner, he’s talking about which national projects he’d clinched for his family construction business & how much $$ was involved in each deal. All these no longer interest me… in fact I was feeling bored! Because I’ve realized 1 important thing - how ever big business he’s doing with the government / how much his black S-class Benz cost / how exclusive his Porsche in Adelaide was / etc… what had all these gotta do with me!? During those few years we're together, did I ever benefit from any of his wealth & was I given a chance to share any of his problems & burdens?
As we talked, more were revealed. He’d a girlfriend for about 3 months & broke up couple of months ago. According to him, he has always been loving me (read: lovING ), but the situation he’s in didn’t allow him to focus on r/s. He said he wanted to call me so much but then he couldn’t promise anything. Things were more on track now. If we're back to those times, I’d have melted. But I’ve long awaken from my fantasy & I didn’t feel anything! Also, what I chose to overlook in the past I began to pick at them now (eg. his appearance, his arrogance...).
Anyway, most importantly I said something I’ve always wanted to tell him. While he’s so engrossed in expressing to me, I dropped the bomb by telling him I’m happily married now, my hubby really dotes on me & I would not want to do anything to hurt him & my blissful marriage. Yes… I did it! He seemed devastated & asked why I didn’t wait for him (I was neither touched nor convinced…). For the very 1st time he admitted it's his fault for how things turned out & that no matter what the future holds, his feelings would be the same. So much of what he said, it didn’t matter to me anymore or whether it’s the truth or not.
In fact have thought a lot before, guess what I used to feel was infatuation that lasted a few years? Because it felt good to be with someone so interesting? When I look back after all that’d happened, I’m glad I wasn’t given the chance to take the plunge. We’re simply of different worlds. I’m a real sucker for love-in-action (like pampering, attention & lotsa mushy talks) whereas he’s so tough that he wouldn’t show his emotions easily or share his problems with anyone because of the nature of his jobs… his reasoning was he’d rather take the rap himself than implicating others if something happened. No, it didn't move me at all, unlike in the past.
At least I’ve been there, done that & know what’re really important to me at the end of the day.
Last Thurs had lunched with Ro, she asked me whether I would choose TM over Vince if I were not married. My answer without a second thought - Nope. Ah well, if I hadn’t met Vince… both Vince & I think I’d have accepted him. Or even that Senior Manager who’s an ex-commando & drives a black Rav4? Or waited for CK??
Thank God I’ve met my prince. I can’t imagine I can be any happier than now.
After being with Vince, I truly appreciate what I’m having now & I know what I really need in a relationship. Like I’ve ever said, it’s the first time in my life that I feel so pampered & loved. We’ve excellent communication which I believe hold us closer, rather than being the listener all the time with nothing much to share about. From Vince, I’ve had brand new insights about selflessness & forgiveness, because of love.
So conclusion, I’m glad I made that move. I’m glad everything is as what it is now. And yes, I’ve settled that matter, my way!
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