We welcomed a brand new year peacefully.. just the both of us.
It all started in 2004 when the heartwrenching news about daddy first broken in the supposedly joyous & festive month. I was crying everyday & the only comfort was having hubby (then boyfriend) with me. That year's Christmas/New Year, we spent most time at home... I wanted to be near daddy. Same in 2005 but, already, daddy had to spend the New Year & Lunar New Year in hospital.
Since then, we would prefer to spend the Eves this way... as long as we have each other, celebration in any form is a bonus. May sound cliché to many but this is exactly how we feel.
Perhaps it's due to the fact that I'm still very much reminded of the unforgettable past in 2004, 2005 & of course 2006's CNY. Perhaps deep down in my heart, I'm too concerned about mum having to spend these nights by herself. Though she didn't show it at all or join us in the living room, I believe it feels good to know that you're not alone at home during those joyous occasions.
I'm just too thankful to God that Vince is someone who prefers to spend couple time. Or maybe he's just being very understanding & supportive.
Who knows one day, we might change the style of celebrating?
And to think that Michelle & David lost their mum on Christmas Day (just past midnight)... it could have been even harder for them.
Showing posts with label Beloved Daddy. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Beloved Daddy. Show all posts
Friday, January 04, 2008
Tuesday, December 05, 2006
That's Life
Last evening, hubby & I went to a wake of my colleague's friend's dad. It's a lil distant ya.. honestly I don't know her very well though met her once few years ago. Earlier this year, her dad was diagnosed as having lung cancer too... only then we MSN chatted a few times.
Saw her yesterday, I didn't know what to say.. needless to talk about hubby who only met her once, with me. Other than giving her moral support by showing up (honey, thanks for making the effort), don't think I could help much. I can identify with the pain. But she's a strong girl.. being the only child, she has to shoulder all the responsibilities.
I didn't sleep well... especially the initial part of the night. Everything about daddy re-ran in my mind. How I miss him... still dream of him very frequently. And all I can do now is to visit him as often as we're able to & take good care of mum. Whichever country hubby & I have been to, we always bring back a souvenir for him.
Saw her yesterday, I didn't know what to say.. needless to talk about hubby who only met her once, with me. Other than giving her moral support by showing up (honey, thanks for making the effort), don't think I could help much. I can identify with the pain. But she's a strong girl.. being the only child, she has to shoulder all the responsibilities.
I didn't sleep well... especially the initial part of the night. Everything about daddy re-ran in my mind. How I miss him... still dream of him very frequently. And all I can do now is to visit him as often as we're able to & take good care of mum. Whichever country hubby & I have been to, we always bring back a souvenir for him.
Wednesday, August 23, 2006
A Tribute
Don't know why, miss daddy a whole lot these few days. I've been missing him all this while.. just that I usually can get a better control of my emotions. But not this time. It's taking much longer this time.
Haven't forgotten how daddy looked like... not even a bit. His face, his voice, his posture... etc... always fresh in my mind. Doesn't seem at all that I haven't seen him for 196 days, haven't talked with him for 199 days....
Daddy's a man with extraordinary iron-will. He'd set the best example for all of us & we're so proud to have him as our daddy. He'd never complained a single word.. not even during the last few days when he's suffering immensely. He always looked calm... I guess he didn't want to worry us. Once in the hospital I cried uncontrollably in front of him after a close shave & he told me not to cry as it'd affect him. Daddy wants me to be happy. He'd always wanted me to be....... when I came out from the previous relationship, he gave me lotsa encouragement. He told me "as long as you're happy." He's the one who stood by my decision (in being with Vince) & helped to talk mum into accepting my choice. He's my shield against all the unwanted criticism from others.
It all started when hubby told me about his colleague's ailing dad. He demands a lot from her who's working & also has her own family to busy with. Then I thought about daddy. Indeed I'm a blessed gal to have such a wonderful daddy. From the day he's diagnosed, he never ever required our help nor put us on a guilt trip by getting disappointed if we're too busy to keep him company. He never called me to ask what time we're going home, never asked me to get him anything, never complained that he's suffering too much. He's always so considerate.
Since young, he'd never beaten me.. never. Unlike my bro & sis who'd ever gotten thrashing from him. When I recall, not even scolding. Nope... as far as I remember, he's not scolded me before. He always talked nicely with me & brought me around with him when I was small. I'm always daddy's little gal.
He'd also been the handyman at home.. he's always the giver & used to buy small things for me. Sometimes I was so mean to think that he's being a lil too nosy as very often those he got for me weren't what I liked.
He's very hands-on.. he could repair from leaking water pipes to almost all the electrical appliances (perhaps not the big ones like fridge & washer). Throw him a watch & he could get it ticking again... Very impressive. But all of us had taken him for granted... couldn't stand the mess with all his stuff lying around.
Daddy knew nothing about computer & only started to learn about 4 years ago, after he retired. He grasped the knowledge in just a few months & even knew how to burn dvds from what he'd video-recorded. He's more technologically advanced than any 1 of us in the family...eg. when we asked him to record a show on tv, he'd do it with his dvd recorder.
Even when he's already very sick, he still got things done for us. It's only towards the last 1 or 2 months before he's admitted to hospital he'd no energy to play with his toys. My heart was like being hammered when he started telling us where his things were placed & how to operate certain equipment. Now I really hope that he could be nosy... I want him to meddle into my stuff...
Towards the last few days in the hospital when he knew it wasn't possible for him to go home again, he kept telling me to bring 1 particular equipment to hospital so he could show me how to operate it, saying it's too complicated even if we've the manual. He's so concerned about his 'treasures'. However it's too late... didn't manage to bring it to him & daddy eventually told me, with a very weak voice, to study the manual myself.
Sometimes when I'm sad, I'd imagine what daddy would have said to encourage me. Sometimes when I play with Tubby-boy, I'd think how daddy would discipline the naughty kitten as he's a cat-lover too. Whenever I see some elderly couples who're still loving, I think of daddy. How nice it'd be if he & mum could still walk hand-in-hand & enjoy their old age together... especially now that Vince & I can somehow provide for them & they could live comfortably.
Seeing how mum gets on with her life is a really great encouragement. I'm sure she's moving on because of daddy too. He wants us to be like him... being strong & face difficulties courageously, even during the most trying ones.
Afterall, the biggest comfort is... there's not much of regrets for me & Vince. We'd spent lotsa time with him at home & in the hospital & it's truly God's grace that he could walk me down the aisle. And God is good, when He takes away one He replaces with another. Now my dearest hubby is the handyman in the family.
Haven't forgotten how daddy looked like... not even a bit. His face, his voice, his posture... etc... always fresh in my mind. Doesn't seem at all that I haven't seen him for 196 days, haven't talked with him for 199 days....
Daddy's a man with extraordinary iron-will. He'd set the best example for all of us & we're so proud to have him as our daddy. He'd never complained a single word.. not even during the last few days when he's suffering immensely. He always looked calm... I guess he didn't want to worry us. Once in the hospital I cried uncontrollably in front of him after a close shave & he told me not to cry as it'd affect him. Daddy wants me to be happy. He'd always wanted me to be....... when I came out from the previous relationship, he gave me lotsa encouragement. He told me "as long as you're happy." He's the one who stood by my decision (in being with Vince) & helped to talk mum into accepting my choice. He's my shield against all the unwanted criticism from others.
It all started when hubby told me about his colleague's ailing dad. He demands a lot from her who's working & also has her own family to busy with. Then I thought about daddy. Indeed I'm a blessed gal to have such a wonderful daddy. From the day he's diagnosed, he never ever required our help nor put us on a guilt trip by getting disappointed if we're too busy to keep him company. He never called me to ask what time we're going home, never asked me to get him anything, never complained that he's suffering too much. He's always so considerate.
Since young, he'd never beaten me.. never. Unlike my bro & sis who'd ever gotten thrashing from him. When I recall, not even scolding. Nope... as far as I remember, he's not scolded me before. He always talked nicely with me & brought me around with him when I was small. I'm always daddy's little gal.
He'd also been the handyman at home.. he's always the giver & used to buy small things for me. Sometimes I was so mean to think that he's being a lil too nosy as very often those he got for me weren't what I liked.
He's very hands-on.. he could repair from leaking water pipes to almost all the electrical appliances (perhaps not the big ones like fridge & washer). Throw him a watch & he could get it ticking again... Very impressive. But all of us had taken him for granted... couldn't stand the mess with all his stuff lying around.
Daddy knew nothing about computer & only started to learn about 4 years ago, after he retired. He grasped the knowledge in just a few months & even knew how to burn dvds from what he'd video-recorded. He's more technologically advanced than any 1 of us in the family...eg. when we asked him to record a show on tv, he'd do it with his dvd recorder.
Even when he's already very sick, he still got things done for us. It's only towards the last 1 or 2 months before he's admitted to hospital he'd no energy to play with his toys. My heart was like being hammered when he started telling us where his things were placed & how to operate certain equipment. Now I really hope that he could be nosy... I want him to meddle into my stuff...
Towards the last few days in the hospital when he knew it wasn't possible for him to go home again, he kept telling me to bring 1 particular equipment to hospital so he could show me how to operate it, saying it's too complicated even if we've the manual. He's so concerned about his 'treasures'. However it's too late... didn't manage to bring it to him & daddy eventually told me, with a very weak voice, to study the manual myself.
Sometimes when I'm sad, I'd imagine what daddy would have said to encourage me. Sometimes when I play with Tubby-boy, I'd think how daddy would discipline the naughty kitten as he's a cat-lover too. Whenever I see some elderly couples who're still loving, I think of daddy. How nice it'd be if he & mum could still walk hand-in-hand & enjoy their old age together... especially now that Vince & I can somehow provide for them & they could live comfortably.
Seeing how mum gets on with her life is a really great encouragement. I'm sure she's moving on because of daddy too. He wants us to be like him... being strong & face difficulties courageously, even during the most trying ones.
Afterall, the biggest comfort is... there's not much of regrets for me & Vince. We'd spent lotsa time with him at home & in the hospital & it's truly God's grace that he could walk me down the aisle. And God is good, when He takes away one He replaces with another. Now my dearest hubby is the handyman in the family.
Friday, March 10, 2006
Thursday, February 16, 2006
2 WEEKS AGO
3 Feb 2006 night, daddy went back to the Lord, ended his stay here… did very well in his fight which had encouraged many many who visited him….
However, always feel that he’s still here with me. Seems just like yesterday that we’re having lunch together by his bed… he’s chatting with me… shooting the 2 naughty birdies that stole his food & medicine, etc…
He’s always been a very strong-willed man. Even 2 days before he’s gone, he could still speak with a loud voice, was active with his hands, highly alert with excellent eye-sight… none of the visitors & his fellow patient neighbours believed he’s nearing the end of his life.
2 Feb noon, as usual I rushed to the hospital during lunch to spend some time with daddy. The sight shocked me upon arrival… he’s already on oxygen mask & he looked so weak. Once he saw me, he tried his best to remove his mask & told me (1) to take good care of mum (2) to be happy. Those were his last words spoken to me, to us. That night he could no longer talk but he communicated with us through writing. Yes, he wrote 1½ pages of notepad, telling us he’s already very thankful & contented that God answered his prayers & gave him a few more days to be with us for CNY, & that it’s his blessings to go back to Him. Who would believe he could still write despite the heavy dosage of morphine given to him through a tube 24/7??
Around 11pm, we all left the hospital except my bro… had made the arrangement that me & hubby were to return & take over duty at 4am. But just after we’d reached home, we’re all asked to rush back to the hospital immediately as his BP dropped drastically. So all of us stayed by his bed the whole night including the 2 lil gals.
3 Feb 7.30am, hubby & I went straight to work with only half an hour’s sleep for the whole night. I was clad with a singlet & slacks, without brushing my teeth/washing my face. My honey was no better. Daddy could still nod his head when we told him we’re leaving for work.
3pm+, returned to the hospital. There’s completely no response from him already no matter how much we called him. Believing he could still hear us, I continued to speak to him.
7.30pm+, believe the Holy Spirit prompted me… somehow he seemed not right to me though I couldn’t tell what’s wrong. Only me & an aunt were there as Vince was getting dinner for us downstairs. I called the nurse to check on his condition & it’s then that we discovered he’d lost his pulse rate. My mum arrived shortly after & I rushed my siblings & their families to the hospital. That was the 3rd alarming recall in 2 days. In the midst, mum spoke to him & after, I noticed tears from his eyes. He really heard us…!
Thank God every1 in the family managed to be there with my sis being the last. It's only 60mins+ after discovering his condition…
Everything was a blur the following days. The focus then was to take extra care of our mum & to be united. The pain was compensated a lil by the sibling harmony & love we shared. I know daddy would be very happy as he had always valued family ties.
Thank God I’ve an extremely wonderful husband. Very glad to see that he’s so well accepted by every1… & in the family, besides the excellent co-operation when comes to serious tasks, the teasing-one-another part can really be hilarious. And for the 1st time, I heard my mum praised him in front of all the relatives that night.
Still very sad but trying to live like normal. The main reason is I know daddy would want us to do that. Just like he’d set the perfect example after knowing his own condition 1 yr ago & he’d always been so encouraging, so thoughtful till the day he left.
Daddy is so strong. As his children, we can’t let him down.
And like what I suggested to be put on his tablet - he’s ALWAYS DEARLY MISSED BY FAMILY.
However, always feel that he’s still here with me. Seems just like yesterday that we’re having lunch together by his bed… he’s chatting with me… shooting the 2 naughty birdies that stole his food & medicine, etc…
He’s always been a very strong-willed man. Even 2 days before he’s gone, he could still speak with a loud voice, was active with his hands, highly alert with excellent eye-sight… none of the visitors & his fellow patient neighbours believed he’s nearing the end of his life.
2 Feb noon, as usual I rushed to the hospital during lunch to spend some time with daddy. The sight shocked me upon arrival… he’s already on oxygen mask & he looked so weak. Once he saw me, he tried his best to remove his mask & told me (1) to take good care of mum (2) to be happy. Those were his last words spoken to me, to us. That night he could no longer talk but he communicated with us through writing. Yes, he wrote 1½ pages of notepad, telling us he’s already very thankful & contented that God answered his prayers & gave him a few more days to be with us for CNY, & that it’s his blessings to go back to Him. Who would believe he could still write despite the heavy dosage of morphine given to him through a tube 24/7??
Around 11pm, we all left the hospital except my bro… had made the arrangement that me & hubby were to return & take over duty at 4am. But just after we’d reached home, we’re all asked to rush back to the hospital immediately as his BP dropped drastically. So all of us stayed by his bed the whole night including the 2 lil gals.
3 Feb 7.30am, hubby & I went straight to work with only half an hour’s sleep for the whole night. I was clad with a singlet & slacks, without brushing my teeth/washing my face. My honey was no better. Daddy could still nod his head when we told him we’re leaving for work.
3pm+, returned to the hospital. There’s completely no response from him already no matter how much we called him. Believing he could still hear us, I continued to speak to him.
7.30pm+, believe the Holy Spirit prompted me… somehow he seemed not right to me though I couldn’t tell what’s wrong. Only me & an aunt were there as Vince was getting dinner for us downstairs. I called the nurse to check on his condition & it’s then that we discovered he’d lost his pulse rate. My mum arrived shortly after & I rushed my siblings & their families to the hospital. That was the 3rd alarming recall in 2 days. In the midst, mum spoke to him & after, I noticed tears from his eyes. He really heard us…!
Thank God every1 in the family managed to be there with my sis being the last. It's only 60mins+ after discovering his condition…
Everything was a blur the following days. The focus then was to take extra care of our mum & to be united. The pain was compensated a lil by the sibling harmony & love we shared. I know daddy would be very happy as he had always valued family ties.
Thank God I’ve an extremely wonderful husband. Very glad to see that he’s so well accepted by every1… & in the family, besides the excellent co-operation when comes to serious tasks, the teasing-one-another part can really be hilarious. And for the 1st time, I heard my mum praised him in front of all the relatives that night.
Still very sad but trying to live like normal. The main reason is I know daddy would want us to do that. Just like he’d set the perfect example after knowing his own condition 1 yr ago & he’d always been so encouraging, so thoughtful till the day he left.
Daddy is so strong. As his children, we can’t let him down.
And like what I suggested to be put on his tablet - he’s ALWAYS DEARLY MISSED BY FAMILY.
Thursday, February 09, 2006
Thursday, January 19, 2006
My thoughts
Feel a lil better these few days.
Believe the TLC+support I got from hubby helps a great lot. & the talk with boss has (to my surprise) a contribution too... not forgetting my friends, colleagues & dear san-mei who are around to cheer me on.
Still making daily trips to the hospital... & all the worries & anticipating for the worst have taken its toll. Also trying to spend more time & be more patient in listening to mum. Guess she needs to let it out after every visit to papa. It's physically & emotionally rather straining, taking into consideration she's Not a Woman of Few Words even on normal days. But we know it's certainly not ez for her. We all think she's being stronger than we've expected her to be.
On a positive note :
1) we (the siblings) have become closer through this,
2) I appreciate my honey more after seeing what he has gone through with me,
3) we really thank God as at least my dad managed to walk me down the aisle, looking healthy(which is a misconception). It's a mere 1 mth+ that daddy deteriorated drastically.
4) Vince & I have done our utmost in being with them at the final stage of his life which has left us lil or no regrets - brought my parents for 2 holidays just months before he's diagnosed, having them to stay with us, providing them a very nice environment for living... though it's just so short for daddy. I know he's happy to see we're married blissfully. That day, when I was having a heart-to-heart talk with him, he praised his new SIL & told me to cherish him. I will, papa, watch my temper & nurture our marriage.
Like every1 tells me....... life still goes on..... but definitely it'll be very much different when the day eventually comes.
Believe the TLC+support I got from hubby helps a great lot. & the talk with boss has (to my surprise) a contribution too... not forgetting my friends, colleagues & dear san-mei who are around to cheer me on.
Still making daily trips to the hospital... & all the worries & anticipating for the worst have taken its toll. Also trying to spend more time & be more patient in listening to mum. Guess she needs to let it out after every visit to papa. It's physically & emotionally rather straining, taking into consideration she's Not a Woman of Few Words even on normal days. But we know it's certainly not ez for her. We all think she's being stronger than we've expected her to be.
On a positive note :
1) we (the siblings) have become closer through this,
2) I appreciate my honey more after seeing what he has gone through with me,
3) we really thank God as at least my dad managed to walk me down the aisle, looking healthy(which is a misconception). It's a mere 1 mth+ that daddy deteriorated drastically.
4) Vince & I have done our utmost in being with them at the final stage of his life which has left us lil or no regrets - brought my parents for 2 holidays just months before he's diagnosed, having them to stay with us, providing them a very nice environment for living... though it's just so short for daddy. I know he's happy to see we're married blissfully. That day, when I was having a heart-to-heart talk with him, he praised his new SIL & told me to cherish him. I will, papa, watch my temper & nurture our marriage.
Like every1 tells me....... life still goes on..... but definitely it'll be very much different when the day eventually comes.
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