The big 'C'

Hope I'm getting out of the pits of a career crisis... the ever first in my life.

I always pride myself for being a loyal employee, after all those years I stayed in my previous company serving the same Principal.... until 3 months ago. I left a 4-month job to move on to one that I've fought so hard for. But within a week, I quit. Much to my own disbelief. I couldn't accept that I was doing this to myself. But I was not willing to work 11 or 12 hours every day especially on Fridays and also cover another colleague who's leaving the following week after I joined (& they're not getting any replacement). A series of familiarisation trips for me was already in planning & I supposed to go for the first in a few weeks' time. So I thought it'd be better to withdraw when they haven't invested too much on me.

I can only say it's my naiveté for not expecting all these in such a job. I have no one to blame except myself. Only then I realised stable hours (with good welfare) topped my list of priorities. I guess I'm already over the days when I can strive... I'm not willing to give up the time I have with hubby & loved ones... not to mention I'd bring home lesser than what I do currently (initially I went for it thinking it's a good training ground.... it really is... if I'm younger, it'd have been a golden opportunity..).

The Director from the new office was upset but he didn't show too much. He just asked me to reconsider and said "you know, you're the one who wanted this job...". Yes I know, that's why I was so disappointed in myself. They're nice to pay me for the days I worked there. I thought I needed to pay them back the pre-medical checks but no. The admin exec said all of them knew I was Tan Sri's friend but they didn't know how I was linked to him... that's the reason perhaps.

The day I went back to return the office keys, I still couldn't believe what I had done. I was at the lowest as I was angry with myself for being stupid. Why didn't I realise what I wanted before moving on and then only a matter of 2 days that I became so sure of it?? Only then I began to miss my old company.. All my bosses were so good, in fact they're said to be few of the nicest in the firm. I was angry with myself for rejecting my bosses' counter offers. I was angry that I caused trouble to so many people & perhaps even embarrassment to my friends - one who got me the interview (Ben) and another one who thought he'd gotten me the interview (DL). I thought Ben would be upset but he's so understanding... told me not to worry & just go ahead to do whatever I deem was good for myself.

So in less than a week, I was jobless. Though I needed a break (never had one since I started working), it came at a totally unexpected timing. To think that I started that new job immediately after... I didn't have a day's rest as I was needed urgently.

Now, don't be shocked by what I'm going to say >>>>> I'm gone back to the place where I condemned for having too many arrogant people around.

I've been in contact with one of my bosses, Mr C, even after I left and he's the first, from my ex company, to know I dropped the new job. He promised to bring me back & talked to the HR Director... he didn't even ask why I gave that job up. I thought there's a chance to work for him again. But I didn't hear from HR. Though Mr C was one of those few partners who has crazy daily schedule (imagine... his meetings are always back-to-back every single day), he's so nice to follow up & text me to check whether HR contacted me. So was I crazy to give up such a wonderful boss??

Waiting game's always the worst game to play... it's just like wanting to get back to the ex after initiating a breakup. Seems like he's starting to move on but he asks for some time to consider. So every other minute you'd look at your cell phone, hoping it'll ring. And when it rings, you hope that it's his number that appears on the screen. That's what I told June when she talked about one of her exes and she found my description so amusing. The consolation being.... I haven't lost my sense of humor, huh.

Much as I didn't anticipate , I took the chance to rest... looked for jobs while waiting for HR to contact me as I gotta be prepared that I couldn't go back. Finally, they called me & asked me to meet my future boss (as I couldn't work for my ex-boss again). Interestingly, on that same day, I had 2 second interviews. I thought it's good so I could have all the answers around the same time. But it's very draining mentally.... at the end of the 3rd interview, my energy was completely depleted.

A couple of days later, I was offered all 3 jobs. It was a very tough decision to make as I was so afraid I would make the wrong choice again. Each job has its own set of plus points that I like and the bad ones deterred me. Eventually, I still chose to go back to my ex company mainly due to the welfare & remuneration package. Since I take this route, I will have to make myself fall in love with those unfavorable parts that come with the job.

It's good to be back. This time round, I've got quite a few friends around. Also met up with all my ex-bosses. Just last week, I had a chat with another ex-boss, Mr L who's a good friend of Mr C, & he said something which I couldn't decide whether I should be glad or sad. He said Mr C insisted to have me work under him again & that he preferred me over the one who's assigned (internal transfer) to him but HR was very firm on their stand, saying there're some rules & regulations. I know, it's not fair to everyone, especially to the one who's supposed to replace me, as all arrangements had already been done & I couldn't possibly mess the whole situation. Afterall, a partner doesn't have all the say... a big organisation like this has to be governed by some HR rules.

I choose to be happy about it... at least I'm still in the good books of my ex-bosses. Mr C has agreed to be my unofficial career coach and Mr L confirmed that Mr C is looking out for a good opportunity for me. With the current economic situation, I'm not too hopeful that it'll come soon though.

I'm going through the teething period now but I know God is great. I didn't know what I wanted and I was wilful but He is gracious... I had my rest(exactly 1 month as my last day of work was 9 Sept & I started work on 8 Oct) and I have a job now. The best of all is I've a great man in my life. Hubby didn't breathe a word of dismay or discouragement throughout this self-created mess. He's been so patient in encouraging me when I was going in cirlces, blaming myself for my own predicament. He's right... without trying, be it a good or bad choice, I would have always thought the pasture next door was greener. If I didn't take that step, I'd continue to be unhappy thinking I'd missed a great chance whenever I faced problems. How right.